NSFW

Version 1.7 All Dogs Go to Heaven




DOWNLOADABLES


Dear Digital Diary,
Well after 3 years, I broke my monthly update streak. Its been awhile since I last made mention of my personal goings on, and bizarrely enough, or to no surprise at all (I can't decide), time seems to go by much faster when I'm not cataloguing it. I still write at night about my day, but truth be told there probably isn't much to boast about and that's the reason the monthly updates dried out. At least that's what i tell myself
Digital Like many of you, I am a digital cave dweller, an indoors kid. I work from home, minding my robot children, and when Im not doing that Im wasting time online and doing little crafts. Unlike many of you, Im finally rich.

Come to find once you have the means, buying stuff gets boring. I recently had to make an unfortunate purchase: A new computato. Computato Prime, a Mac M1 Mini went kaput on me out of nowhere. It was working when I fell asleep, working through the night, actually - I fall asleep to Astrum Extra videos, and when I woke up at 5:30am for H20, it was still running. When I woke up again at 8:00am she was gone.
Imagine your whole ass computer that you didnt bother to back up just died. For someone as digitally dependent as I am, I thought it would hit harder, but I adjusted quickly. I have other devices, and jerry-rigged (sidequest: who is the jerry jerry-rigging owes its name to?) a set up similar to what I had stripped of my precious files. my jewels. My plan was to do a hard drive recovery and throw it on the newest version of the same machine, or better yet a refurbished in-between model. Come to find, all the Mac Minis on the planet have been snapped up by AI nerds running clawdbot for agential carnage.
For real. Check this out, I go to the apple store to get my power strip replaced (back when I thought there was still hope) and ask the "genius" helping me about picking up a new mini, mentioning I didnt see any in the store when I was walking in. He says they don't have any in-store. He walks me over to one of the studio set ups and jumps on apple's website and shows me that there aren't any on the site either.
I ask about refurbished ones - I figure if the latest one (M4) is $700-$900 I can get a refurbished M3 for $400 or $500, even an M2 would have been better than what I was using. So he goes to the Refurbished section - I gotta pause here, because he demonstrated that to get to the Refurbished products, you actually have to use the search tool on apple's website and type "Refurbished", meaning there is no way to actually navigate to the Refurbished page using the site's menu navigation! Diabolical! Anyway, he goes on to prove there are no refurbished minis available, of any model, on the site. Not just for this store, city or state but all of America. Part of me finds this hard to believe.
I was able to find one on Amazon, but only one. like you cant choose ram or hard drive size, there's just one flavor. Sufficient. When it arrives I am horrified to find out what Tahoe 26 is like. I had never updated to it since I didnt need to, not giving a shit about Apple Intelligence. Horrid aesthetics and no way to organize apps. SO COOL. There's other issues but Ive already wasted too much of both of our time on this, but just know I have an essay written in my mind titled 'Everything I need to know about Corporate Malfeasance I learned from Wacom driver version 6.4.11'.

ANALOG The number of inks I have gained is staggering, or maybe the amount of money I have spend on them is, since its the one thing I can't routinely rack. Here's $20 for a shot glass of color, please. Here are five I recently acquired that can't seem to be pinned down by a single shade name

Ive also gotten into stamp carving and cranked out a few paintings. Nothing Im desperate to share, which is good in a way. I am thankful I am in not in one of those stages where I am satisfied in my competency.

Schrödinger's books


Alright, let's get this out of the way and then I'll be done.

So when I moved to Taiwan I left behind a lot of stuff at my folk's house- things you can't move with across the planet like paintings, knick knacks and books. A year or so after my move, my mom decided she wanted to remodel the room all my stuff was in and packed it up, with most of it transferred to another room in the house. The one thing she chose to store outside, on the uncovered balcony, was my books- you know, the one thing I own that would conceivably appreciate in value over time and the most permeable to weather damage. Art books, photography monographs, graphic novels, hardcovers, softcovers, vintage textbooks, handmade books, zines, special editions, limited editions, first editions. Trust that I had lot of books

I wasn't told about this storage situation, which is probably for the better. But when I got back and found out -realizing how much time it had been, with my books baking out in the sun, sitting under years of rainy weekends and morning dew, just getting funkier and nastier- my reaction was odd. In that it was a non-reaction of self-preservation. I could not bear to open the boxes and see what had become of them. The specific vision I could not allow myself to live through was pulling a warped version of Joel Peter Witkin's Bone House out of the clothbound sleeve ravaged by mildew. So I left it. I did not open the boxes, I did not toss them. I just let it be, and they stayed where they were.

More time passed. Every time it rained I would think about those boxes of books, likely getting worse, absorbing the weather and drying up and cycling through the seasons. Eventually it got to be that they were out there longer with me back than with me gone, but I still couldn't do anything. There's some psychological aspect to this, I know, but I have a blind spot when it comes to seeing myself. Then there was also my mom, who I am pretty good at reading. She's very much an "everything I do is right" kinda lady and if ever the mere concept of those books were brushed up against she would silently rise to an intense level of I fucking dare you to say I did something wrong. We never talked about it but if even if I bumped into the topic accidentally, I could smell the stink of her rage coming after me, the kind that spits when it talks and you cant react to it or it gets worse.

So there was that part too. Anyhoo. This year, they decide to re-wood the balcony (I don't know the word for it, probably just 'remodel') and Im told I need to do something about these boxes.

To describe the boxes, they're a mix of a few types. The majority are one of two types: 10-gallon clear plastic container with a clear lid, heavy duty black with a yellow lid (the type you find in Home Depot and nearly all of your neighbor's garages) in both 12 and 27 gallon sizes, and two green plastic tubs, the size of which I can no longer tell you because while I was moving the boxes the green ones shattered and then fucking disintegrated.

Horrifying start.

In the disintegrated tub was a sega game gear, games, a gameboy printer, and a massive CD case with idk all the CDs I ever bought and all the mix CDs I had ever been given and saved. completely rotten, rusted and otherwise weather destroyed. So that was super cool to discover.

Like those stupid fuck ass posters say, I kept calmed and carried onned. I dragged in the boxes, not without some help at the end- 27 gallons of books is a heavy amount of books, and I got bucatini noodle arms, though I was able to Stonehenge most of it using physics and friction, evoking the female joy of assembling and moving a bunch of furniture by yourself.

In the end, what boxes survived were brought in but I still couldn't bring myself to open the lids, knowing i was at the precipice of confirming my devastation.

Hybrid

Ive started upon a self motivated project to learn about different African countries in my downtime or between work projects. Did you know that theres only 54 of them? You can cover one country a day and be done in a month and a half, and even though a single deep dive is hardly enough to have exhaustive knowledge, you'll at least know a little more than you otherwise did. It started spontaneously, maybe as a reason to get through more of my inks while taking notes. I started with Benin and I have to cut myself off from going off about all the streams I followed but look up Egungun (2)

Supplementing my education is a nifty webapp I found -formerly known as TVGarden, now going by the more vague name famelack- that lets you spin a globe, select a country and watch local live tv. There's a broadcast that plays on repeat after midnight in Benin, what looks like a performance for heads of state, acapella groups singing in a large plaza with tents set up to house the audience. it slaps.

I am hoping getting all this out the way will let me go back to throwing up random posts without the [impeding block] that tells me I need to finish some kind of update first. Maybe 2026 updates will be seasonal? Or fuck it, its my site I can go back to monthlies whenever I feel like it. Its my infinite void and Ill scream into it when I want.

- Me finally understanding how international relations informs supply chain management.


Click image to read the article

» Whoever is on layout and setting this article really doesn't care about their work.

Tiny Investigations

Something is up my YT algorithm's cheeks this week, getting served eyebrow-arching specimens outside of my usual rotation of bodycam arrests and reviews for mobile FOSS software and fountain pen ink.

While each are a bit batty, they all seem to fit a theme:
short (about a min in length), huge view counts, and uploaded exactly 6 years ago

Day 1

The entire composition of this screenshot- the " .mp3 (Re-upload)", the stats, the thumbnail, it's perfect ⅋ peak internet and it would seem 100,000 other folks agree, since by the next day, when it had graced my desktop again, the viewcount had jumped from 2.9 million views up to 3 million*

Day 2

Alternative theories: 10,000 people watched the video 10 times in a row. 1,000 people watch 100 times in a row. 100 people watch 1,000 times. I did the math and its possible, since it would only (only) take 13 hours.

Some of them left comments

Another video appears. Equally weighted in its premise and absurdity, created at the same time.

Does the elephant make it better? or is it the Beethoven? is there a functional difference between what type of media you want to pair with your absurd scenario? or what the subject matter for absurdity is?

I'm stupid enough to ask What the hell was going on 6 years ago??
Then I remembered. (A-hyuk!)

I would have left it at that, but I was going to send that first screenshot to a friend, and thought I should actually watch the video. The suggestions that come up when typing out the video title is like lifting up the rock on the modern human condition. I dont want to know what's happening. It was then I wanted to find the wario thumbnail and...

(CLICK HERE)

Turns out this rabbit hole bottoms out at the top of a whole other iceberg and there's been this on-going trend, for years, of Wario dying soundscapes, some with animations, most are static images, a multiverse of all possible deaths, usually while eating, specifically oreos, made by different people across time and place who might never meet, and I think that's demented and beautiful.

Day 3

Today I come across this, while sourcing screen shots for this very post I am writing. The implications are staggering. The contributing creators, the person collecting videos for the playlist.

Is it real? Is it genuinely 3.4K Wario dies variations? If it's not and becomes a list of cryptoscam livestreams sandwiched in between Wario-dies-while videos, who is the target for the scam? Who is the scammer that thought to target them? I don't want out what's happening. but this time in a different way. Like wario deaths, like schrödinger's cats, I want to live in a world of all possible answers existing.

*3.2 million at the time of this writing

New updates to the off-shore Library!

Farfalle e Bastardi
Bastards & Butterflies

BASATARDI
by Massimo Mattioli

I spent an afternoon translating this comic from Italian because I had to know what it said*.

Originally released in
Frigidaire (1981)

Butterflies
by Samanta Schweblin

Read this extremely short story on the bus back from LA and it appropriately crushed me.

Originally released in
Mouthful of Birds (2019)

*Possibly the first english translation since it was published 45 years ago?


so I swear Im still alive
1. January 2026

The beginning of the year was flush with stuff and part of (the entire) reason I broke my monthly update streak was because I got stuck making another super elaborate update using Decker. Problem is after I finally finished it I realized how fucking boring it was. But if you're frankly obsessed with me, or stalking someone adjacent to me and need to see if they are mentioned, I will still offer you my whereabouts during the year's first month:


run jan26.deck


finally got me one of those 99ranch trader joe style tote bags from my sister-in-law along with a trove of Chinese versioned American junk foods (think: peach tea oreos)

Februārea!

Highlight of feb was easily the California Pen Show. My first pen show and second stationery-centric exhibitor event, and certainly not the last. Its like walking into the internet and giving yourself an excuse to buy ridic shit rapid fire

I remember giving some girl my pencil bracelet after she complimented it. High summer camp antics.
I met a $2,000 pen, on sale for only $980. low-key worth it, given that its at the center of an equation where the person that makes it and the person that buys it spend more time and money than anyone ever should on a pen. The technique is called urishi 1, 2, 3.

-> Crazier than the price is the fact that they let me pick it up and write with it before they told me how much it cost. It was like a stranger asking you to hold their baby. I could be some kind of maniac! Why do you trust me?

x

LINK.DUMP #027 - In-browser delights featuring free international tv channels, pixel blitzers, psychedelic 70s comix, and one helluva house tour.

The end of the year was fine. There's not many specific events that leap to mind, but I remember enjoying myself. Went to the airport a half dozen times, picking folks up and dropping them off. Didn't go anywhere myself. Getting on in my older years I've become pretty self satisfied in a way that might seem alarming to my younger self. Every now and then I wonder if I should feel guilty about how content I am, but that feels like a silly thing to probe. I don't go out much is what I'm trying to say but it's very much by choice. Even when I do try to make plans, it feels delightful to break them and give in to doing what I really want. I think what I used to believe is that for a life well lived you needed to be able to count a lot of things, exciting memories and experiences. well I have those and turns out you dont need to endlessly add to that list, or at least not feel compelled to force new items. That's what I learned this year? Maybe?

One of my many airport trips was to bring my neighbor/ex/doggy-baby-daddy to say goodbye to and then attend services for his brother, who was rapidly deteriorating from and eventually died of pancreatic cancer. Rough stuff. When he got back the first time, after his brother had passed, he showed me a picture of his mom hands, cradling the hand of her oldest son during his last moment on the planet. He wanted me to paint it for her as a Christmas present. It was a bit tricky, trying to capture the likeness of hands. Drawing hands are hard enough but getting them to resemble known hands is a lot tougher. I didn't get a picture of it once it was all done, set and framed, but I do have a pic I sent when I was at the horizon of good enough to give up and stay safe, or keep going and potentially ruin it. From what I remember I didn't do too much after this. Of course she loved it and cried, so thats what matters most.

I also did a set of paintings for my immediate family for Xmas. Once we were done with presents, I pulled out five tiny gift bags, each containing a tiny 2.5" square painting of one of my family members. I had everyone pick a bag at random and then open them at the same time. They were pretty jazzed and the fun of it all trumped the necessity of accuracy or the paintings being that good. Despite how small they were, or precisely so, I bit off more than I could chew by trying to make tiny accurate paintings in watercolor on tiny novelty low-quality canvasses, although grounding them first a few times did help. I didn't get pics of the whole set, but here's the one I pulled of my pops.

Anyway, sorry this month's monthly update's late, they are always late, and saying sorry is an obstinate gesture because I know no one out there has any stakes in me updating this website. Most of the time and fun in making these is in drumming up graphics and trying to execute something new under the hood each time. I aim to always learn a new code trick, usually something small you won't really see, like a new-to-me CSS function or HTML tag. Like, did you know about the <details> and <summary> tags? or even box-sizing attribute? Anyway, I'm running away with myself. My point was supposed to be: I put together a page with the whole year in chronological order. This year I made it all at once (today) whereas usually I add to while the year is on-going, see 2023.html, 2024.html in my Archive, along with other neat stuff I've forgotten about.


Pictured above: 2025's filled out Hibino on top of the freshie for 2026

Currently Reading

Usually when I do my monthly updates I'll throw in a few words about my recent reads, but with so much going on the last month I plum forgot. But my current livre du mois, Running the Light by Sam Tallent is good enough to get its own island.

The plot follows a washed-up comedian on a tour through no-name venues in forgettable towns across forgettable states. Having been a waitress at a comedy club for a few years, I can attest, the misery and hubris of the main character are accurate.

It's written by a comedian I never heard of; the foreward, by another comedian I've never heard of, begins with how the book has no business being as good as it is, expecting it to be a lark, a little side-project from his friend, not an actually good piece of writing. And he's right. It's hella good. The writing is fun, passingly introspective with the kind of blasé horniness of henry miller on a scumbag adventure.
Its one of those books, where if you enjoy reading it, what's going to happen stops mattering. I don't need to worry about character's motivations being realistic or threads being tied. So to have a plot that is engaging and always escalating, a little like that movie where Michael Douglas has a bad day, is a plus. Strong vocabulary too, I would challenge you to find another author using the word "sorghum" on the same page a man with his face melted off in a propane tank explosion does cocaine off the owner's manual of his truck while Pantera plays.
Often I find myself wondering if the author could write something as good if it wasn't about comedy. I would have to think yes, but something about it as a first novel also feels like its giving it all that he has. and other subject matter would suffer from the lack of direct authentic experience? Like when watching stand-up you wonder how much of this really happened, but in the opposite direction. With a comedian on stage you want to buy everything at face value until something becomes too bombastic, but here its like you don't want any of it to be true, but have a creeping suspicion a lot of it might be a first-hand testimonial.

A lot of you might not know this but I used to be a waitress at a comedy club. I usually only mention it in connection with the shooting that took place one night I was working, but its largely the reason why the wretchedness that enshrouds the stand up comedy industry is a special interest of mine. I was real keen on this show I would watch on one of the English language channels in Taiwan called I'm Dying Up Here. Y'all ever catch that?


Click here to hear me bitch about book's I didn't like

On the flipside is Louis CK's debut novel Ingram. A comedian I love and admire (you could not pay me to care about him jerking himself off in front of women) and couldn't wait to read. Boy did that book stink. Right from the first page. The writing is trash! Sad! Here's the first half of the starting sentence of the first four paragraphs:

"When I was a small and new boy..."
"I liked watching the animals walk around..."
"I walked up that road only one time..."
"I scrambled along the side of that hard gray road..."

It's trying to be something, and I get that, but you could at least tell the story with interesting sentences. It's written in a kind of Southern voice, which is incredibly hard to pull off. It's the same reason why I couldn't bring myself to start Marky Zee Danielewski (of House of Leaves fame)'s new book Tom's Crossing, which does use dynamic sentence structure but injects too much twang to feel natural:

"Lindsey probably would’ve kept on kickin too, and achieved some terrible damage upon that helpless and bewildered youth, if none other than Tom Gatestone hisself hadn’t passed by right then. Not that Tom did much except stop in a riot of laughter, which is how Tom often found hisself, couldn’t help hisself, could laugh about pretty much everythin, includin when the moment came for him to die.
Tom’s big ears went bright red, and he howled hisself so hard, he got fast to coughin, gaggin some, enuf to get him diggin loose the leaf at his gum, because it was either that or cease breathin."

Please don't. The whole book is like this and its well over a thousand fucking pages.

Another book I read back in October and quickly enjoyed was Walking Practice by Dolki Min. Its a korean sci-fi story about an alien trapped in Seoul that needs to take on the form of humans (and eat them) in order to survive and is having a tough time managing stairs. Its quick and fun and silly and takes advantage of typography to tell the story. Whenever the main character returns to their home and transforms back to their original form the words expand and loosen along with the alien's form and skin. That's fun!
The book is a meditation of on what its like to fake it to fit in, I thought it was a good commentary on transness and performing gender, but others have likened it to being another human while neurodivergent. Either way, I like that there's more than interpretation, and the message isn't ham-fisted. What is explicit is the violence, which I like, and the heavy-handed sex scenes, which are asian. Its a short book, but I think you get some of both per chapter, maybe even a death at the same rate.
Walking Practice is punctuated with cool illustrations, also drawn by the author. If you're someone that doodles, you can immediately tell that they were fun to make. If you've read Walking Practice, or are a rare kind of literary poser (thinking of that one roomate I had that had "WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH" tattooed on his forearm, despite never reading 1984), and you have a cricut handy, I've made a shirt design you can spend an afternoon weeding that I've stuck on my cricut projects page.

My top (and bottom) stationery pics for 2025:
.∘✶⋆stationeryspecific.substack.com⋆✶∘.